When it comes to relationships, do you find yourself staying in the relationship longer than necessary? Maybe the relationship has completed itself — you’ve broken up or don’t emotionally connect anymore– but you still hold on and can’t seem to move past it. Or maybe you have a history of dating men (or women) who don’t seem to appreciate you, take all that they can from you, yet leave you feeling disappointed, disrespected and low about yourself.
I’ve been there. I had a pattern of dating men who did not appreciate who I am or value my worth, yet for some reason I stuck around, hoping that maybe one day the light blub will go on and he’ll suddenly see what an amazing catch I am. Maybe if I tried harder, did something more or different to please him, he’ll finally commit to me and we would have this wonderful fairy tale relationship. Sound familiar?
I tolerated disrespect, played the on again-off again game, and settled for less than what my heart wanted which was a deeply connected, loving and healthy relationship. For each man I experienced this with, I made every excuse possible to justify his disrespect, non-commitment and only focused on the potential I saw in him and the relationship I had idealized in my mind.
When I finally found enough courage to leave, the separation was very short lived. Either he would come back to apologize or I would swallow my pride and go back to him because I remembered how great the good times were, how much I cared about him and psyched myself into believing that things could change, that it would be different this time—but it never was.
After years of heartache, disappointment, obsession, infatuation, idealization, being hungry and desperate for love, I knew I had to take responsibility and control over feeling better about myself. If I wanted to have a chance of enjoying a healthy relationship (like I do now), I needed to build a strong relationship with myself first. I needed to embrace my value and worth—leaving that up to the men I dated clearly wasn’t working.
So many women I know and coach find themselves in similar situations in romantic relationships. Whenever I coach a client on this very subject, I focus on elevating her self-esteem by helping her embrace her worth through self-love techniques. I help her see that she does not have to simply accept the cards that she’s been dealt, she can choose to step into her power, she is stronger than she gives herself credit for, and most importantly, she deserves only love.
When you stick around waiting, praying, bidding your time in hopes that he will choose you while he is out living his own life in search of someone or something else, what message are you sending him about your worth and how much you value yourself? What message are you sending to your subconscious and the universe about what you deserve?
If you are waiting for your man to decide whether he loves you enough to want to be with you, demonstrate your value as a quality woman who deserves respect, admiration and love, by first removing yourself from the situation. Show that you are not willing to tolerate anything that is not aligned with your principles, needs and values. Make respect a top priority and stand your ground for what you deserve.
You are an amazingly beautiful and brilliant person with so many strengths, gifts and talents to share with the world. Know this to be true. Do not settle for less than your heart desires. Be open to love yet selective of who you allow into your life. It starts with loving yourself so much that you only allow those into your heart who will help you grow and add to your life rather than take away from your happiness.
Your worth is not something to be negotiated. If someone does not fully see you for the brilliance that you are, that person does not deserve rent space in your mind and heart. Trust that when you embrace your worth and show others that you place value on yourself, you’ll magnetize others who love you for all that you are.
It all begins with embracing your value. Love your life and not just him. This is the key for allowing love into your life.
If you’re ready to begin your journey of self-love and creating your ideal relationships, I am here to hold your hand and guide you every step of the way. Begin by scheduling your free consultation by clicking here.
To your vibrant life and love.